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Big Thoughts Dear America Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell

Can Yankee Doodle Trump Cheez Doodle?

Dear America, If I had a time machine, I’d go back to Boston and Philadelphia in 1775 and 1776 (I would bring bug spray. I’d also be wearing pants and sneakers and I would totally show Ben Franklin my no line progressive lenses in my glasses and tell him… “This is all you, my man.” […]

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Dear America

What’s the Worst That Can Happen?

We’re all going to die eventually, right? I mean, at this rate, America, probably we are all gonna go pretty much at once and take the rest of the world with us. Dear World, including America, You know the “Back to the Future” movie franchise? You know how what’s his face, the shithead kid, Biff Buffington […]

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Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell Little Thoughts

Caulk Up

Our bathroom in the new house pisses me off (because this is more home than it was, but it is still “the new house”). It’s funny because it didn’t to start with. I mean, I was salty because we had finally redone the bathroom at the old house a few years earlier and it fucking ruled. […]

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Dear America Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell

I Sure Am Tired of Winning

Hey, America… If you don’t think that the guy in the Oval Office is a fantastically huge pile of jaundiced dung spewed out by some cosmic sphincter that leads to a galaxy full of hepatitis C, you’re… look, if you support this fucker, I don’t know. I don’t know what you are. I don’t know […]

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Big Thoughts Dear America

People Throughout History Have Always Sucked

(It doesn’t enlarge. Fuck technology. Here’s the guys in the tree:) Forgive me if the above image is hard to see. I hope it will enlarge for you, but let me tell you… my server and the WordPress media uploader are assholes and losers. I made a bump out in the original photo to the […]

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Dear America Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell

Living in the Past

Dear America, there’s all these people saying that if we don’t elect someone who isn’t orange and weird and who apparently, we learned last night, thinks I can protest my ass but he doesn’t talk about his ass, this is the last free election we will have (I… this dude is fucking president, and has […]

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Big Thoughts Dear America Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell

Dear Fucking America

There are two tweets I wrote that I think I ought to leave here, instead of expanding on them, today, because I am going to say a lot of shit that maybe I mean, but maybe I should be more careful on how I say it… But also, fuck you, America. Fuck you, fuck me, […]

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Little Thoughts

Cat Wrangling

Yay for cryptozoology. There have been some stories in the news lately about strange creatures, like this one from Webster, Massachusetts. Honestly, the video was pretty great, and because I’ve gotten wicked good at making out what the fuck is that thing that the Ring doorbell picked up at 3 am (it’s a coyote. It’s […]

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Little Thoughts

Second Stupidest Reason for a Post Ever

Hey, I got my “e” key working again. Turns out I hit the keys really hard sometimes because I am an idiot with no muscle control and the “e” hinge got itself extra pushed down. As I fiddled with the damn thing, it imperceptibly (visually, anyway) popped up into alignment and has worked since. I […]

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Big Thoughts Dear America Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell

Schools Are the New Economy

Hey, dearest America, why do you think the Orange Motherfucker is so into schools being open? First, he wants your kids to be orphans, but smart orphans? Yeah, no, bullshit, you know as well as I do that the guy pretending to be a human pretending to be president doesn’t give two shits about your […]