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Dear America Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell

Dear Rest of World

The fucking piece of shit in the Ovaltine Orifice has apparently made every one in the White House sick, and seriously fucked with DC’s infection rate… like it went up 500% because of this fucking Supreme Court nominee party had weird ass people all slobbering all over each other and hugging and shit. (Is there […]

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Dear America Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell Little Thoughts

It Is What It Is, and Surprise! I Don’t Really Care, Do You?

Hey America, The orange pile of shit that we elected… (I guess. Sort of. I get it, he won, and don’t get me started on Hilary fucking it up, because yes, she most definitely fucked herself over last time around, so hey. She still would have at least been competent.) The orange pile of shit […]

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Dear America Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell

Things I Have Learned

It’s never good to write when mad or feeling excessively emotional. Yes, sorry, your break up poetry sucks. Everything is political at this point. Life’s a piece of shit, when you look at it, so always look on the bright side of life. (Thank you to Pythons passed and still with us, except for Terry […]

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Dear America Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell Little Thoughts

Is This Sedition?

Is it sedition if I say that Bill Barr is a sorry excuse for an Elton John impersonator but an even worse one for a human being and that I’d like to kick his smirking ass into a seventh grade science lab, where the kids can free the frogs before they go to the chloroform […]

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Big Thoughts Dear America Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell

Can Yankee Doodle Trump Cheez Doodle?

Dear America, If I had a time machine, I’d go back to Boston and Philadelphia in 1775 and 1776 (I would bring bug spray. I’d also be wearing pants and sneakers and I would totally show Ben Franklin my no line progressive lenses in my glasses and tell him… “This is all you, my man.” […]

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Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell Little Thoughts

Caulk Up

Our bathroom in the new house pisses me off (because this is more home than it was, but it is still “the new house”). It’s funny because it didn’t to start with. I mean, I was salty because we had finally redone the bathroom at the old house a few years earlier and itĀ fucking ruled. […]

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Dear America Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell

I Sure Am Tired of Winning

Hey, America… If you don’t think that the guy in the Oval Office is a fantastically huge pile of jaundiced dung spewed out by some cosmic sphincter that leads to a galaxy full of hepatitis C, you’re… look, if you support this fucker, I don’t know. I don’t know what you are. I don’t know […]

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Dear America Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell

Living in the Past

Dear America, there’s all these people saying that if we don’t elect someone who isn’t orange and weird and who apparently, we learned last night, thinks I can protest my ass but he doesn’t talk about his ass, this is the last free election we will have (I… this dude is fucking president, and has […]

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Big Thoughts Dear America Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell

Dear Fucking America

There are two tweets I wrote that I think I ought to leave here, instead of expanding on them, today, because I am going to say a lot of shit that maybe I mean, but maybe I should be more careful on how I say it… But also, fuck you, America. Fuck you, fuck me, […]

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Big Thoughts Dear America Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell

Schools Are the New Economy

Hey, dearest America, why do you think the Orange Motherfucker is so into schools being open? First, he wants your kids to be orphans, but smart orphans? Yeah, no, bullshit, you know as well as I do that the guy pretending to be a human pretending to be president doesn’t give two shits about your […]