Okay, and maybe that’s not healthy. And it’s not the elegant righteous anger…
Scratch that. It’s righteous, motherfucker. It is righteous anger. It’s not the sort of elegant righteous anger that, say, James Baldwin had powering his writing. And I don’t know as he would call it elegant either. I’m sure he was just fucking bullshit. He had every right to be.
So do I. So do a lot of people. First, I’m going to channel profane Mr. Rogers: No one can tell you how to fucking feel, and you are allowed to fucking feel it. I don’t care what you feel whatever about. You can’t be an asshole about it, but don’t let anyone tell you you should be over something or that something was a long time ago. Does it still piss you off, make you cry, make you want to punch the living shit out of the wall? Maybe you don’t want to do those things, boys and girls, men and womens, however or whoever you see yourself to be (especially that wall punching part, that hurts), but feeling like you do is legit and you are well within your rights.
Mostly, though, I am feeling angry that there’s so clearly so much stuff that’s fucked and you can’t fix stupid. People are going to spend the fucking holidays together. Great idea, since you dodged a fucking bullet (maybe) at Thanksgiving, let’s try to kill off extended family and essential and underpaid workers at exotic locales by gathering there for Christmas or New Years and seriously… I imagine these families must hate each other, actively trying to kill each other like they are?
And truthfully I’d love it if everyone in the White House that’s an administration official in an appointed capacity would just fucking spontaneously combust right now. It’d save so much trouble and so many lives between now and January 20th, but also probably beyond that because who the actual fuck knows what’s going down. Obviously the orange piece of chicken shit is going to try to pardon himself and it’s like every last one of them has lost their goddamn minds. Some of them were not shit to write home about to start… Giuliani was always questionable, even when he was a darling from 9/11. I mean, he wasn’t a good mayor, but at least when that went down he wasn’t as big a fuck up as he could have been (which is exactly how history will remember Cuomo as governor. de Blasio is a fuck up. I live in Boston. We aren’t without our missteps.)
It’s the annoying because everyone knows the right thing to do, really, about the shit (all the shit) that truly matters, but nobody seems to want to do it… Everyone has their reasons, some vaguely passable, most just plain not good, and some reprehensible as fuck but it’s been made clear there is no reason why they would give a shit.
And there’s so much denial. None of this is going to get magically easier. Not the virus, not the dividedness of the country, none of it is going back in the goddamn bottle. And truthfully, given what’s come to light, clearly the inside of that fucking bottle was overrated or oversold and maybe we need to get our duckies in a row now to make it right and easier again someday, but I don’t know that we’re actually mature enough or made of the sort of stuff that it will take to make that happen.
Anyway, I am going to stomp off and slam the door a few times now.