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Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell Little Thoughts

Caulk Up

Our bathroom in the new house pisses me off (because this is more home than it was, but it is still “the new house”). It’s funny because it didn’t to start with. I mean, I was salty because we had finally redone the bathroom at the old house a few years earlier and it fucking ruled. But this wasn’t wicked gross, and it was on the same floor as the bedrooms, so if you can’t have a bathroom on each floor, at least it’s up there.

It is just a shower stall in the footprint of the old tub, and the drain is situated as such. It seems as though there had to have been a pipe bursting somewhere, because somehow in the last twenty years the bathroom lost a tub and gained a radiator and the toilet and sink got moved an inch or two to accommodate and if you think that was done correctly you have a lot more faith in the people who did it than I do. We have not had problems with that side of things, the radiator/sink/toilet wall and floor, but I don’t believe they aren’t there, lying in wait. See, the bathroom floor is about two inches higher than the floor outside in the hall. Not a horrible transition, and it’s probably really just one layer more of flooring over flooring than I feel really comfortable with. I get it, though. I really do. I do hate that it is so hard to get to the radiator to clean the hair and schmutz that inevitably lands there because the fucking vanity is in the way (I would love a pedestal sink in there. Just straight up. No cabinet below. And everyone is like, “Storage!” Come on. You can’t keep shit under there anyway. It’s not that much room, and it makes the bathroom harder to work around for any cleaning and maintenance. And the sink as it is is a sink… there’s no counter. There is still no room.) But houses here that are 80 years old or more are like this… tiny bathrooms that someone inevitably had bust over the years and had to do what they had to do.

To save room, I guess, though, the side flush mechanism was removed from the toilet and it has a button on top flusher. I fucking hate that thing too. It’s my fault, though. My hands are always cracked, because allergies and iron issues, I guess, I don’t know… anyway, year round those fuckers will crack and bleed and the damn button flush is hard to press and is split in half for low flow/high flow flushing and goddamn don’t I hit the fucking thing in the middle all the fucking time.

Still, everything holds together mostly there. A pain in the ass, and the toilet is shimmed all to fuck and it’s impossible to clean behind it nearly (but I do, which I can’t say was the case previously. Gak. I found fucking fake fingernails everywhere. And either someone had giant thumbs, or they make fake toenails too? Do they? Ew). But the shower…

Our ceiling slopes in the bathroom. Adjustable tension curtain rods probably were the go to thing, but someone put in a shower stall that took up the old foot print of the bath tub and used glass doors. I am not a fan of glass doors, but okay. These are bow front glass doors, which I am sure cost a damn fortune but god almighty fuck those fucking things. The frame is just shoved into the ceiling drywall. I am assured this is fine by contractors even, it just looks awful, but yeah… no, it isn’t.

An exhaust fan was added at some point in the last twenty years and I think that’s a saving grace, there. Not just this house… I hope every house on this block added one (I know they haven’t) because I think that’s why the whole shower door into drywall thing is fine.

But the shower pan was not put in correctly. The liner is not there and the drain was jiggled around weird and when we finally said fuck it and pulled it out from the kitchen below (because we were sick of having two showers after about six months… one in the bathroom and one pouring down in front of the fridge in the kitchen below it), we found that someone had, when replacing some tiles, perhaps, or grouting over the grout that maybe needed cleaning or maybe just looked dirty and they had to grout over it (badly), rinsed all the cement product that fell in the pan down the drain. The cement hardened, then, in the overflow and whatnot, so that the drain would back up and be horrific ten times faster.

We were told previously by the seller that caulk is all that was needed to keep shit from leaking. Yeah… no, but again, you do what you gotta and that’s what we have been doing every eight to ten months.

Mostly, though, I am perplexed by the shower… panel. Tower. I don’t know what it is. It looks like the sort of thing you see at a car wash or in prison (movies, anyway. Never took a shower in a prison.) The rainfall head is nice, I dig that, but it’s like so… oddly sized otherwise. There’s a weird ass mirror up so high you couldn’t possibly see yourself in it (it’s also corroded as fuck), even if you are tall, because you would whack your head on the arm of the rainfall shower head. There are jets, which… I mean, the grout and glass doors and the tininess of the bathroom just scream that that is a fucking terrible idea, even if they weren’t so placed that they will hit you in the eyes and knees and a couple won’t shoot right over your head. And it is huge. It just like… takes up the entire wall of the shower, a big metal what the fuck is going on here type thing.

Truth is, we bought a new showerhead moving in, but we’re afraid to install it, because we can only imagine the state of the tile beneath and some of the plumbing that needs to be done to install one of those panels… yeah, we just don’t want to be that much in the installer’s headspace, as it were, so we’re waiting on doing it all over, which we’re going to have to eventually.

Sorry, for two and a half years I have looked at the shower panel and I still am just gobsmacked by the “someone designed something like this, manufactured it, and sold it. And then someone else bought it.”

I sort of hope it was desperation and a plumbing emergency (which it seems like it probably was)… but I feel like it could not have been that cheap, and man I wish they’d put a liner in under the pan by saving money on a simple ass fixture… and also didn’t pour cement in the drain.

The water pressure is good. I have never tried the jets out, by the way. I am afraid it will put out my eyes.