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Big Thoughts Intentionally Paving the Road to Hell

The Good Old Days and Other Bullshit

Four years ago I saw a person with a bumpersticker that said “Hindsight 2020” and I thought, yeah, pretty much. I also remember the first Trump/Pence bumpersticker I saw on a car. It was parked a few cars down from us at the parking garage in Chinatown. We were there for the Taiwan 10/10 day parade and celebration we were taking part in with our kung fu class.

Digression alert: (Paul and I took kung fu classes. I miss it. I was terrible. I mean, I was fucking terrible. It wasn’t that I couldn’t do the moves, and god knows I can bend, that’s my whole damn problem, it was I could never remember the choreography of the forms and I have a problem with left right confusion. So put me in front of a mirror, tell me to kick with my left leg, and believe me, I am fighting my reflection like I am a fucking budgie. Anyway… It was fun, but it was getting expensive. I would have loved to continue though because they were a lovely school and I loved taking pictures from the middle of the parade, and they also loved seeing the pictures because they were pretty good. I couldn’t do a lion dance, but I could run the parade route around them three times for an angle and nail it, so…):End Digression

I asked Paul at the time if he thought that bumpersticker was ironic. He said, “I am kind of afraid not.” It was a weird bit of ill-at-ease that you just want to shove out of your mind because come on, right? Come onright?

Anyway, then you sit thinking, fuck, I really hoped this was going to go better than I was thinking it would for the stupid orange motherfucker. But from the start it kinda rattled loose and then all of a sudden we learn that the whole motherfucking thing is broken. When I was a kid, I was always told that the president is just a figurehead, there’s checks and balances, and… honestly, we’d probably be in much better shape if it weren’t for the fact that Congress is in his pocket or up his ass or… like, I don’t know what the sway is because truthfully I don’t think all those guys (and believe me, they are all guys I am speaking of) are dumb. I guess I never figured that everyone meant to check or balance would say “fuck it, let’s just phone it in” in the face of this. Yet, here we are.

I don’t think they’ve been blinded, not previously, not now, to what the hell is happening. I thought maybe it was a power, a control thing… hey, if I get closer I can influence this giant fucking orange balloon to do something fucking normal. Not even liberal or conservative, maybe I can influence him to act like a goddamn human being. I felt like maybe that’s where Lindsey Graham was going to start with. But it sure doesn’t look that way now.

He’d be my guess, though, if we found out the present administration had anyone disappeared and replaced with a doppelganger. No question they switched Lindsey Graham for a Lindsey Graham filled with Folgers crystals, meth and arsenic, let’s see if anyone notices…

Mitch McConnell, Jesus fuck, that guy is a pile of fucking shit. (Why doesn’t Rachel Maddow have me on to talk politics? I’d be awesome.) He’s just pushing his judges through, sitting there on his tuffet. I learned recently he was married to a lady (who seems wonderful and I am happy for her and one day I would love to meet her, actually) who is now working at a college as a professor of women’s studies or some other thing Mitch McConnell probably would hate to the core of his soul, if he had one. Now he’s married to Elaine Chao, who is also the transportation secretary. Except for some family money entanglement shit, I don’t know necessarily that she’s as inept as some other appointees (which in and of itself is a fucking abhorrent thing to say. The financial entanglement is bad enough). I don’t know why the fuck she’s married to Mitch McConnell though. Jesus, how awkward is that house at the holidays? I feel like it must make the Conway household seem normal. I mean, I bet there’s at least yelling at the Conway household, and doors slamming. The McConnell house is probably all “Excuse me, what’s your name and relation to me again?”

I shouldn’t wish the polio had won with McConnell. But I do. I should feel bad about it. But I don’t.

And because I am on a tear… Rand Paul. The actual living fuck. Kentucky, I don’t believe for a second you are whoever the hell your representatives are, because I am sure you’re better than Ohio in that regard but let’s face it, the House has a lot of weirdos of all shapes and sizes on both sides of the aisle.  But I know that your Senators do not define you, because I refuse to believe Kentucky is anything like Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul. I think it’s more like Rand Paul’s neighbor, who beat the shit out of him because of an HOA violation, but somehow, I feel like it was more than an HOA violation. Like, look at Rand Paul. Not for too long, you’ll turn to stone… but look at him. I have never wanted to whale on a neighbor because of the length of his lawn or whatever.

I still have this weird belief that people are good, and I think the people in Kentucky are largely fine, and I don’t think those two shits are really doing the vast majority of them any favors, and they sure as hell aren’t doing the country any favors either.

You can feel strongly about a lot of stuff up to this point (although if you were still saying we should give the orange shit a chance after Charlottesville and the “good people on both sides” shit, you’re dead to me. They were marching through the streets with flags with swastikas on, they’re the goddamn baddies (thank you, Mitchell and Webb)). But honestly, I don’t know how anyone can just watch this happen and be in a position to do something and just… let it happen. Where is McConnell going to go when this burns up? Is he going to sit on his pile of… gold bars? Judges? What? Because he’s fucking fucked the country up and over and truth is, I don’t think we’re making it through this. Straight up. What an unpatriotic motherfucker, though. Take an oath to do a job and you just watch it burn.

What if in the end, all that’s left is the real Lindsey Graham, locked in a supply closet under the Crystal City Mall? He’ll eventually get his ass out of there, and he’ll hopefully find Canada when he gets outside. But I don’t know.

The problem is looking back. Hindsight is 2020, but rose tinting is rarely helpful, at least in collective memories. If it all goes to shit, let’s grab the bits that did work… which maybe were just conceptual, and badly realized, and do it right this time. Righter. I don’t imagine we’ll ever get it right. We just don’t have to be so motherfucking proud of how wrong we are.