Not a small one, a big one, full of dog wee. It’s tricky to get a urine sample from a girl pug. At least her backend works so that she’s off the ground when she wees, unlike our poor GWEN!!! Manlover, who had some quickly atrophying muscles in her posterior and she generally was on […]
The fucking piece of shit in the Ovaltine Orifice has apparently made every one in the White House sick, and seriously fucked with DC’s infection rate… like it went up 500% because of this fucking Supreme Court nominee party had weird ass people all slobbering all over each other and hugging and shit. (Is there […]
Hey America, The orange pile of shit that we elected… (I guess. Sort of. I get it, he won, and don’t get me started on Hilary fucking it up, because yes, she most definitely fucked herself over last time around, so hey. She still would have at least been competent.) The orange pile of shit […]
Ever have so much to say and it all is jostling around in your head to come out? Yeah? No, really, I usually do and then in an instant it flits away, usually right when I sit down to write. Today, though, I got nothing. Like, what the fuck can I say? There’s over 200,000 […]
It’s never good to write when mad or feeling excessively emotional. Yes, sorry, your break up poetry sucks. Everything is political at this point. Life’s a piece of shit, when you look at it, so always look on the bright side of life. (Thank you to Pythons passed and still with us, except for Terry […]
Is it sedition if I say that Bill Barr is a sorry excuse for an Elton John impersonator but an even worse one for a human being and that I’d like to kick his smirking ass into a seventh grade science lab, where the kids can free the frogs before they go to the chloroform […]
Dear America, If I had a time machine, I’d go back to Boston and Philadelphia in 1775 and 1776 (I would bring bug spray. I’d also be wearing pants and sneakers and I would totally show Ben Franklin my no line progressive lenses in my glasses and tell him… “This is all you, my man.” […]
We’re all going to die eventually, right? I mean, at this rate, America, probably we are all gonna go pretty much at once and take the rest of the world with us. Dear World, including America, You know the “Back to the Future” movie franchise? You know how what’s his face, the shithead kid, Biff Buffington […]
Our bathroom in the new house pisses me off (because this is more home than it was, but it is still “the new house”). It’s funny because it didn’t to start with. I mean, I was salty because we had finally redone the bathroom at the old house a few years earlier and it fucking ruled. […]
Hey, America… If you don’t think that the guy in the Oval Office is a fantastically huge pile of jaundiced dung spewed out by some cosmic sphincter that leads to a galaxy full of hepatitis C, you’re… look, if you support this fucker, I don’t know. I don’t know what you are. I don’t know […]